Are You Talking Yourself Out Of Success
Meet Networker A and Networker B. They are both new to
the business, and in just their first few weeks, something odd is happening.
Networker
A is excited; she immediately staffed talking to other people about her
opportunity. She has already enrolled a few people and is well on the way to
building a Network Marketing empire.
Networker
B is excited, too, and is sharing the opportunity as well—with much less
success. In fact, her enthusiasm has already begun to wane. Only three weeks
into the business, she finds herself sharing the opportunity less and less.
Networker B is slowly fading into the sunset.
Is
NetworkerA smarter than Networker B? Has Networker A received more training
than Networker B?
Is
Networker A not getting any “no’s”?
Is
NetworkerA just lucky?
Or
is there some skill, perspective, or tool that Networker A knows about and is
utilizing that Networker B isn’t—and could, if she only knew about it?
The Missing Link
Everyone
has dreams and aspirations; they are what drive this business. When you first
start building your business, your sponsor encourages you to connect with those
dreams. She says things like: “What’s missing for you? If money were not an
issue, what would you rather be doing differently from what you are doing now?”
As
she speaks, you reach back through the cobwebs of your memory and start
thinking about things you may not have thought about for 20, 30, 40 years or more. You’re encouraged to
write down your vision for where you’ll be in life several years down the road.
You’re advised to set goals that will make that vision come true.
In
the moment, you are caught up in all the possibilities you see for yourself.
It’s an emotional experience-you can see it all and feel it all so clearly.
Then
you go home-and the reality you’ve created returns. You wake up the next day in
the same house, in the same environment, with the same input from the same
people. Time passes. You read your vision statement (if you really did take the
trouble to write one) less and less; eventually you don’t read it at all.
You’ve
lost your vision.
Why
is it that we can stand on this shore and, with a little effort, see the
glorious visions on that other shore so clearly-but can’t seem to take
ourselves to that other shore? Why do we keep standing here on this shore?
What’s
missing here?
Abridge.
The bridge that will take us from this shore to that one. That bridge, that
missing link, is your self-talk.
Your
self-talk is simply the way you speak to yourself, throughout the day, every
day. It springs out of the way you feel about yourself, which in turn springs
from what you believe about yourself
As
Networker A is interacting with other people, what she’s saying to herself
sounds something like this:
“This
feels great... I feel great... I love the way it feels when I’m sharing my
excitement with other people and listening to what they have to say... This is
a joy...”
Networker
B is running a completely different monologue:
“The
last person I talked to wasn’t interested-I hope this one goes better... Here
goes nothing... I hope I don’t sound as stupid as the last time... Maybe my
husband is right; maybe this business just doesn’t work... Why am I doing this
anyway? I must be a glutton for punishment... Then again, what did I expect?
Nothing I do ever works out..- But I’m no quitter, nope, I’m gonna give this
business a real chance to work... I’ll give it another whole week, maybe...
Then, if it doesn’t work, at least it won’t be my fault...”
Does
either of these sound familiar? Or are you thinking. “Neither of those examples
describes me. I don’t have self-talk...”
That
is your self-talking away. Of course you have self-talk. Everyone does. And
regardless of what you say aloud, the conversations you have with yourself
about yourself will far more powerfully determine what results you create. Your
self-talk may be silent-but it will drown out any other conversation you have.
You
can create visions and goals-that’s great. But your self-talk will determine
how you feel about those visions and goals. Your self.talk will determine
whether you follow through and write them down, whether you follow through and
read them aloud-not just tomorrow, but next week and next month. Your self-talk
will determine whether you make them come true.
Talking Yourself Out of Greatness
We
live a continuous cycle of talking ourselves in and out of our own greatness.
As
children, we are full of possibilities. There are no limits. When we finally
get old enough to do something about those possibilities, the “three Rs’ set
in-reason, responsibility, and resignation. We become re-programmed, both by
our own experiences and by other people’s commentary.
The
process is so insidious that we aren’t even aware of it. In fact, other
people’s input begins to blend in with our own self-image. Soon we forget we
ever had one. We repeat what “they” said, and it becomes a new part of our
self-talk.
These
little monologues and mini-conversations act as “filters” through which we view
both the world around us and the experiences that we have. They create and then
reinforce our reality.
Experiences
which support our negative self-talk easily pass through that filter and are
added to the mounting pile of evidence that supports why “things never work
out” for us. In time, we have difficulty even remembering the positive
experiences that don’t support our negative self-talk. For all intents and
purposes, they never existed.
The
longer this continues, the more likely it is that we will continue to react-and
act-the way we always have. We repeat the same behavior over and over again,
expecting a different result-and wondering why we never get one.
Gradually,
over the years, we begin to give up on ourselves.
We’re
stuck-and we don’t even know it.
Change the Cycle
The
truly extraordinary thing about self-talk is that you made it all up-and you
can make it all up all over again, differently, any time you choose. Here’s how
you start:
Step #1. Accept that self-talk exists; it’s a normal part of
being human.
Step #2. Begin to notice when it’s happening, and determine
whether your self-talk is moving you in a positive direction or not.
Step #3. Understand
where self-talk comes from. Realize that you make it up and that you can choose
to change it or not.
This
takes patience and the courage to embrace the process. It’s not something you
can change overnight. Just look at how long it has been in place-look at the
lifetime of evidence you have compiled to support your current self-tall!
At
first, just notice your self talk, and resist the temptation to beat yourself
up over it. Simply noticing your current self-talk is a giant step towards
shifting it.
Either
you’re running it, or it’s running you. When you’re unaware of your own
self-talk, it’s running you. As you become more aware of the process, you can
begin to shift the process and break the pattern. You made it all up anyway,
why not make up new self-talk which truly empowers and fulfills you?
Conscious Languaging
Once
you become aware that you have a choice about your self talk, you can begin to
change it with conscious languaging-consciously
choosing language that will support the results you want. This is a choice that
you get to make every time you are confronted with a new situation.
Will
it be creative justification?
“I’ve
talked to 15 people-and none of them wants to get in... I told them that I
wasn’t a salesman; it’s not my fault... I could have done better, but network
marketing is saturated in my area.. Noting I ever do works out anyway.”
You can create visions and goals-that’s great. But your
self- talk will determine how you feel about those visions and goals. Your
self-talk will determine whether you follow through and write them down,
whether you follow through and read them aloud-not just tomorrow, but next week
and next month. Your self-talk will determine whether you make them come true.
Or
will it be creative interpretation?
“I’ve
talked to 15 people-and found out that none of them are the
partners I’m looking for. It’s great to have that clarity... I enjoyed my
interactions with each one of them; it was great talking with all 15... I love
talking with people. I am more inspired about this business tan ever!”
As
simple and as logical as this choice may seem, breaking the old self-talk patterns
is not easy. Like any new habit, it takes time. Here are some guidelines to
assist you in scripting some new self-talk.
• Make it first
person and present tense and about you only (“1 am _______
• Make it
simple. Self-talk is usually one or two sentences or thoughts.
• Embellish it
with positive adjectives- words like “capable,” “brilliant,” “outgoing,” and
“successful.’
• Attach
feelings to it
• Read it over
and over-aloud-until it is all that you can think about.
Pursuing
this practice is like training a set of muscles to be stronger. It is not a
huge effort, but you need to expend it consistently day after day. In so doing,
you will be retraining the little voice inside of you to be your best friend.
The Rewards
How
would you feel if someone called you up every morning 2nd said:
“You are the most fantastic person I know! I
love your energy, your enthusiasm, and your creativity!”
What
better way to start off the day, right? This is the reward of changing your
self- talk. When the voice in your head becomes your best friend, you’ll hear
something like this every morning-and all day long.
Shifting
your self-talk is like getting dressed in clothes that feel fantastic and make
you look fabulous. Don’t you walk differently? Talk differently? Don’t you hold
yourself as someone special?
In
the same way when you are empowering yourself through conscious you walk
differently, you talk you look different. You feel g shows. Other people
notice. Is it any wonder that people wanted to join Networker A?
You
probably didn’t get inv work marketing for the person development, but it comes with the territory of it or not, your decision to get involved in
this business was an indication were ready for more in life,
Once you get a taste of it – of being bold courageous, confident, powerful, outracourageous, accepting yourself fully it’s delicious, and you want more. It’s hard at first, to step out of an old once you do, everything is possible.