Are You Talking Yourself Out Of Success
Meet Networker A and Networker B. They are both new to the business, and in just their first few weeks, something odd is happening.
Networker A is excited; she immediately staffed talking to other people about her opportunity. She has already enrolled a few people and is well on the way to building a Network Marketing empire.
Networker B is excited, too, and is sharing the opportunity as well—with much less success. In fact, her enthusiasm has already begun to wane. Only three weeks into the business, she finds herself sharing the opportunity less and less. Networker B is slowly fading into the sunset.
Is NetworkerA smarter than Networker B? Has Networker A received more training than Networker B?
Is Networker A not getting any “no’s”?
Is NetworkerA just lucky?
Or is there some skill, perspective, or tool that Networker A knows about and is utilizing that Networker B isn’t—and could, if she only knew about it?
The Missing Link
Everyone has dreams and aspirations; they are what drive this business. When you first start building your business, your sponsor encourages you to connect with those dreams. She says things like: “What’s missing for you? If money were not an issue, what would you rather be doing differently from what you are doing now?”
As she speaks, you reach back through the cobwebs of your memory and start thinking about things you may not have thought about for 20, 30, 40 years or more. You’re encouraged to write down your vision for where you’ll be in life several years down the road. You’re advised to set goals that will make that vision come true.
In the moment, you are caught up in all the possibilities you see for yourself. It’s an emotional experience-you can see it all and feel it all so clearly.
Then you go home-and the reality you’ve created returns. You wake up the next day in the same house, in the same environment, with the same input from the same people. Time passes. You read your vision statement (if you really did take the trouble to write one) less and less; eventually you don’t read it at all.
You’ve lost your vision.
Why is it that we can stand on this shore and, with a little effort, see the glorious visions on that other shore so clearly-but can’t seem to take ourselves to that other shore? Why do we keep standing here on this shore?
What’s missing here?
Abridge. The bridge that will take us from this shore to that one. That bridge, that missing link, is your self-talk.
Your self-talk is simply the way you speak to yourself, throughout the day, every day. It springs out of the way you feel about yourself, which in turn springs from what you believe about yourself
As Networker A is interacting with other people, what she’s saying to herself sounds something like this:
“This feels great... I feel great... I love the way it feels when I’m sharing my excitement with other people and listening to what they have to say... This is a joy...”
Networker B is running a completely different monologue:
“The last person I talked to wasn’t interested-I hope this one goes better... Here goes nothing... I hope I don’t sound as stupid as the last time... Maybe my husband is right; maybe this business just doesn’t work... Why am I doing this anyway? I must be a glutton for punishment... Then again, what did I expect? Nothing I do ever works out..- But I’m no quitter, nope, I’m gonna give this business a real chance to work... I’ll give it another whole week, maybe... Then, if it doesn’t work, at least it won’t be my fault...”
Does either of these sound familiar? Or are you thinking. “Neither of those examples describes me. I don’t have self-talk...”
That is your self-talking away. Of course you have self-talk. Everyone does. And regardless of what you say aloud, the conversations you have with yourself about yourself will far more powerfully determine what results you create. Your self-talk may be silent-but it will drown out any other conversation you have.
You can create visions and goals-that’s great. But your self-talk will determine how you feel about those visions and goals. Your self.talk will determine whether you follow through and write them down, whether you follow through and read them aloud-not just tomorrow, but next week and next month. Your self-talk will determine whether you make them come true.
Talking Yourself Out of Greatness
We live a continuous cycle of talking ourselves in and out of our own greatness.
As children, we are full of possibilities. There are no limits. When we finally get old enough to do something about those possibilities, the “three Rs’ set in-reason, responsibility, and resignation. We become re-programmed, both by our own experiences and by other people’s commentary.
The process is so insidious that we aren’t even aware of it. In fact, other people’s input begins to blend in with our own self-image. Soon we forget we ever had one. We repeat what “they” said, and it becomes a new part of our self-talk.
These little monologues and mini-conversations act as “filters” through which we view both the world around us and the experiences that we have. They create and then reinforce our reality.
Experiences which support our negative self-talk easily pass through that filter and are added to the mounting pile of evidence that supports why “things never work out” for us. In time, we have difficulty even remembering the positive experiences that don’t support our negative self-talk. For all intents and purposes, they never existed.
The longer this continues, the more likely it is that we will continue to react-and act-the way we always have. We repeat the same behavior over and over again, expecting a different result-and wondering why we never get one.
Gradually, over the years, we begin to give up on ourselves.
We’re stuck-and we don’t even know it.
Change the Cycle
The truly extraordinary thing about self-talk is that you made it all up-and you can make it all up all over again, differently, any time you choose. Here’s how you start:
Step #1. Accept that self-talk exists; it’s a normal part of being human.
Step #2. Begin to notice when it’s happening, and determine whether your self-talk is moving you in a positive direction or not.
Step #3. Understand where self-talk comes from. Realize that you make it up and that you can choose to change it or not.
This takes patience and the courage to embrace the process. It’s not something you can change overnight. Just look at how long it has been in place-look at the lifetime of evidence you have compiled to support your current self-tall!
At first, just notice your self talk, and resist the temptation to beat yourself up over it. Simply noticing your current self-talk is a giant step towards shifting it.
Either you’re running it, or it’s running you. When you’re unaware of your own self-talk, it’s running you. As you become more aware of the process, you can begin to shift the process and break the pattern. You made it all up anyway, why not make up new self-talk which truly empowers and fulfills you?
Once you become aware that you have a choice about your self talk, you can begin to change it with conscious languaging-consciously choosing language that will support the results you want. This is a choice that you get to make every time you are confronted with a new situation.
Will it be creative justification?
“I’ve talked to 15 people-and none of them wants to get in... I told them that I wasn’t a salesman; it’s not my fault... I could have done better, but network marketing is saturated in my area.. Noting I ever do works out anyway.”
You can create visions and goals-that’s great. But your self- talk will determine how you feel about those visions and goals. Your self-talk will determine whether you follow through and write them down, whether you follow through and read them aloud-not just tomorrow, but next week and next month. Your self-talk will determine whether you make them come true.
Or will it be creative interpretation?
“I’ve talked to 15 people-and found out that none of them are the partners I’m looking for. It’s great to have that clarity... I enjoyed my interactions with each one of them; it was great talking with all 15... I love talking with people. I am more inspired about this business tan ever!”
As simple and as logical as this choice may seem, breaking the old self-talk patterns is not easy. Like any new habit, it takes time. Here are some guidelines to assist you in scripting some new self-talk.
• Make it first person and present tense and about you only (“1 am _______
• Make it simple. Self-talk is usually one or two sentences or thoughts.
• Embellish it with positive adjectives- words like “capable,” “brilliant,” “outgoing,” and “successful.’
• Attach feelings to it
• Read it over and over-aloud-until it is all that you can think about.
Pursuing this practice is like training a set of muscles to be stronger. It is not a huge effort, but you need to expend it consistently day after day. In so doing, you will be retraining the little voice inside of you to be your best friend.
How would you feel if someone called you up every morning 2nd said:
“You are the most fantastic person I know! I love your energy, your enthusiasm, and your creativity!”
What better way to start off the day, right? This is the reward of changing your self- talk. When the voice in your head becomes your best friend, you’ll hear something like this every morning-and all day long.
Shifting your self-talk is like getting dressed in clothes that feel fantastic and make you look fabulous. Don’t you walk differently? Talk differently? Don’t you hold yourself as someone special?
In the same way when you are empowering yourself through conscious you walk differently, you talk you look different. You feel g shows. Other people notice. Is it any wonder that people wanted to join Networker A?
You probably didn’t get inv work marketing for the person development, but it comes with the territory of it or not, your decision to get involved in this business was an indication were ready for more in life,
Once you get a taste of it – of being bold courageous, confident, powerful, outracourageous, accepting yourself fully it’s delicious, and you want more. It’s hard at first, to step out of an old once you do, everything is possible.